i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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