I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
