It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Randomize
