Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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