I hope mine doesn't look like that
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
