He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
