Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Your cock deserves a montage
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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