im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
