hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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