Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
