The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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