white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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