The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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