you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Randomize
