I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
