I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
