you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
