I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
