I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
This is the high leading the old right now
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
