oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
