Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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