Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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