She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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