Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
