it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
