he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
