I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize