problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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