Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
