If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
How external is "for external use only"?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
