i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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