When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
