I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
