I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
