i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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