Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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