Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
