we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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