That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
