Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
