I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
