drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
