Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
