cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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