listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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