Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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