If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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