my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Randomize
