I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
