Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
