Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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