Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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