What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
