This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
