i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
