dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
it was like eating out sand paper
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
