Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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