Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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