Sry I called you an 8
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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