Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
