Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
