mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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