tequila makes me forget i have legs
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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