I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
