Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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