So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
