So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
