I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
