Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
