You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
