Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
