can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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