I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
