my phone needs a breathalizer
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
