Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
