well I can't set my house on fire every night
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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