Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
