just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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