Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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