Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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