I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
