haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
